f attack apostrophe

attack apostrophe

Monday, August 22, 2005

Well, that photo isn't really that bad by any standards. But yeah, I look like fag. buti na lang naisip-isipan kong magpaikli ng buhok (hindi talaga effective ang magpahaba sa akin ng buhok, it's either it looks too fake like a wig, or it's not too complementary to my face). Anyway, napansin niyo ba na ang init-init kapag tanghali? Dahil sa kagustuhang makapagtipid, naglalatag na lang ako ng banig sa sala at dun natutulog (I do not want to entertain the temptation na matulog sa kwarto baka kasi mapaaircon lang ako, so talagang sa sala). Taena, maski na nasa malakas ang electric fan, tagaktak pa rin ang pawis ko. Talagang, I was sweating like a pig. Hindi pa natatapos ang tanghali, feeling ko ang baho baho ko na. (Ay btw, wala pa ring prospect. Sandali, that's so Sex in the City quandary ano?! Iyong poproblemahin ko eh ang sex life ko, na if you think about it, non existent na rin siya ng matagal-tagal, so hindi ko rin alam kung bakit bigla itong nag-appear) Siguro, eto iyong parating naglalaro sa isip ko na: "Everyone's having sex, why can't I?" Hindi ba kayo napapaisip? Dahil na rin siguro masyado akong pakialamero, aside from the Rock-Star compulsion ko, napapaisip ka nga naman talaga, kung iyong mga lower life forms eh nagkaka sexlife bakit ikaw hindi. Napapaisip na lang ako na, they have to stoop (although, siguro minsan nagstoop na rin tayo. Naman, di ba?). So ngayon, iniwan ko na nga pala ang pag-iisip tungkol sa sex. And Madame, hindi naman sa nagiisip ako tungkol sa sex dahil iyon na lang ang pinagkakaabalahan ko (wala nga di ba in the first place), kasi feeling ko nauungkat iyong aking low self-esteem na dala ko nung matagal pa (tangina talaga itong mga emotional baggages na ito, nakakainis, minsan maski ayaw mo na siyang irecognize, it really haunts you).

posted by Joel at 9:43 PM

4 Comments:

  • i totally know what you mean, lola. in fact, recently nag-crisis ako about this very same thing. nag-rant ako to a few people about how extremely dissatisfied i was about my lot in life. i was starting to doubt god, in fact. i'd never said that before. anyway, para kasi akong sinapak ng reality na am 25 y/o and still haven't known a meaningful romantic relationship. ako pa na saksakan ng bait, lalo na sa pamilya ko. despite all my sacrifices (especially with this godforsaken job), god hasn't rewarded me with the things i want. no palanggana award this year, no boyfriend (so far). despite my efforts, ayaw ni god na makawala ako sa lintik na trabahong ito. and yes i was wondering why lowlives or non-attractive people get to have sex and i don't. ayoko naman ng frequent and empty sex. sabi ko nga, meaningful relationship. nakakaasar talaga minsan ang logic ng mundo, kasi walang logic. idaan nalang natin sa tawa.

    By Blogger Midori, at 4:38 PM  

  • Tarantada, nakakasawa na din ang masturbation. Hello?! And for meaningful relationships, no comment ako dun hanggang ngayon. Kasi hanggang ngayon, drawing kisses in the wind pa rin.

    By Blogger Joel, at 8:50 PM  

  • Ahm... But, I want frequent empty and meaningless sex (I mean, kung libog lang, naku, ok lang). Iniisip ko kasi at this moment eh, sex is power (to some degree.... taena, it's so Melrose! Pero let's put it this way, I won't even put it in a high hat manner, how many people think of them highly just because they are sexually attractive? Hindi ba ito na ang millenia-long quandary natin? Kumbaga, malaki na investment natin sa pagsusulat at sa ating mga "intellectual pursuits?" I wouldn't even opine na threatened sila (but, I think they are)). I would like to be manipulative. And with great sex, comes power!

    By Blogger Joel, at 1:55 AM  

  • what?! ay dedma. i must say i am still clear-eyed enough to want a meaningful relationship. di pa ko ganun ka-jaded. but yeah i get that feeling sometimes too. i know sex is power. and am young and attractive naman, and if i chose to i could use these assets to destroy people's lives or other people's relationships. but i choose not to. kasi nga innately, may kabaitan pa rin ako. heheh.

    By Blogger Midori, at 9:14 AM  

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